Message from John Carter

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Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Turn-Down

A few years ago I decided that I would make an attempt to contact and wrestle a guy whose profile I'd seen on  If you've ever visited this site, you may have seen his profile.  I won't mention his handle.  He's not one of those guys who posts mountains of photos (like me?).  Rather he has a good set of pics and an amazing, lean body.  Best of all, he is my size.  So, I thought that I'd contact him, and offer to fly to his city and wrestle him.

His response?  No thanks.

I have to admit that I was a little taken-aback.  But, then again, I thought, just because I find him attractive does not mean that he finds me attractive.  Then, again, honestly, I don't know that's the case.  I might have caught him on a bad day when he was sick and tired of guys.  He could have been embroiled in some knotty personal issue that had nothing to do with wrestling.  But, I think, it's fair for me to surmise that he just wasn't "in" to me.

On my recent trip to St. Louis I got to spend a lot of time with some close friends who are all into wrestling.  And two of them told me, separately, stories about how they had contacted X wrestler in Y city, and had either not gotten a response, or were turned down.

In fact, one of my friends mentioned this several times.  He had attempted to contact several different guys in several different cities and for whatever reason, these guys had chosen not to wrestle with him.

These stories were always accompanied by a certain angry, hurt tone.  And, I guess that is to be expected.  No one likes to be rejected.  It hurts.  But I think that as members of the online wrestling community (yes, we are members) , we have to keep in mind that just because a person posts an ad on the internet looking for a match, that does not mean that they are open to wrestling anyone.

I'll give you an example.  I get emails about every month or so from a guy in the Midwest whose profile consists of a single picture of him standing in front of a mirror taking his photo with a flash.  All I can see is an enormous belly and a bright flash. 

I'm sorry, but I don't want to wrestle this guy.

I think I have the right to say that I am not interested.  And I have told this guy that he's too big (he has around eighty pounds on me). 

So, in light of all this, here are my rules for handling "the turn-down."

1.  Don't take it personally.  You may not be the physical type that the guy likes to wrestle or he may be distracted by personal problems that have absolutely nothing to do with you and your request.

2.  Be mindful that some small guys don't want to wrestle guys that are a lot bigger than them.

3.  Be mindful that some big guys prefer wrestling someone around their own size.

4.  Hygiene is important.  Some guys like hair, others do not. 

5.  Don't be offended if you write to a guy in great shape and he turns you down...because you are not.  (I put a lot of effort into my physical appearance.  I am a little put off when guys write to me that obviously don't.)

6.  Do not, under any circumstances, write back and say something rude.  In fact, a general rule for any electronic communications: if you write something mean and snarky, read it out loud to yourself first, then delete it.  No matter how witty you think you are, you'll regret sending it.  It is notoriously difficult to discern intent in electronic communications, so even if the response you got seemed mean, it might not have been meant that way.

Okay.  Now go out and find someone to wrestle.


  1. Sounds like good advice man. Maybe someday we can hit the mats stud

  2. Love to! I'm always ready for a match!