Message from John Carter

This blog is rated R and is not appropriate for people under the age of 18. If you are offended by gay content, please move on and read some other blog.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

More on that Challenge

I have no idea why I posted a picture of Guy Ritchie.  Maybe because I feel sorry for him.  He was married to Madonna, poor guy.  That could NOT have been fun.  Or maybe it's because I heard he likes to do jui jitsu.  Nice looking guy, huh?  I'd wrestle him.

Okay, I got an email from someone who told me Jake Jenkin's "real" name.  And my informant kindly sent me a link to Jake's Facebook page. 

I signed onto Facebook (first time in about six months - did you know I missed a High School reunion?) - and looked at his page.  Jake seems to be keeping his wrestling life separate from his regular life.  I did not see any "likes" for Rock Hard Wrestling.  Instead,  Jake seemed like a nice, clean-cut kid. 

I just could not see any reason why I should barge into that life via Facebook and challenge him to a wrestling match.  It just seemed...wrong.  So I did not do it.

That doesn't mean I don't want to wrestle him, it just means that I'm going to have to find another way to contact him. 

Thanks to my informant for trying to help.  I am not going to publish your comment because it contains Jake's real name and I don't want to publish it.  I hope you understand. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A Challenge - and Some Thoughts on Dating Gay Guys

I was looking over the offerings at Rock Hard Wrestling the other day, and I found that I kept coming back to one guy in particular.  Jake Jenkins.  Jake has a smooth, boyish look that I find enormously attractive.  Also, he is 5'7" (same as me) and 155 pounds.  I'm not 155 (yet) but I'm headed in that direction.  I'm at 150.2 this morning.  So, soon, I will be Jake's size.

Here are a few shots of me from this morning.

Okay, I don't compare very favorably to Jake.  I suppose it's sort of nuts to post a pic of a guy like Jake in such close proximity to a pic of me.  But, you know what?  I don't care.  I've got some muscle.  Not as much as Jake, but I could be worse.

So, anyway, here's the deal.  Does anyone out there know Jake Jenkins?  Is he gay?  I want to wrestle him.   Yeah, he'd kick my ass, but I don't care.  I want to try and wrestle this guy.  Also, I'm tired of guys like Jake being consigned to the realm of fantasy.  He's a real, flesh and blood person.  He wrestles.  What the heck.  I wrestle, too!

So, what about it, Jake?  Want to take me on?  If so, let me know where you are located and I will look at booking a flight and coming to town.


Okay, okay.  I get it.  Enough of that nonsense.

It's been a long time since anyone has hit on me.  Living in a relatively small southern town, I just don't run into guys who will approach me and ask me out very often.  My gay-dar is abysmal.  I think sometimes a guy has to almost hit me in the head before I will notice that they are flirting.  But the other day at the gym I was hit on.

For the last eight years I have been out and wrestling.  During that time, I have met and wrestled quite a few guys.  I was trying to count how many the other day and I came up with around forty guys.

Wrestling with a guy is not the same thing as going on a date.  Meeting up at a guy's house or in a hotel room, scoping each other out, and then peeling off some clothes and locking up is very different than going out for a drink or dinner.  And, I have to say that I don't miss dating at all.

I was never a good dater.  Oh, I could clean up pretty good and I can make conversation.  Well, maybe I was an okay date, but I had the worse luck when it came to dates.  I mean it.  Rotten.  Of course, my dating experiences all took place in a time in the distant past that historians call The Eighties.  For you kids out there, that means before the Internet.

To find a date, I had to go to the one gay bar in my town.  It was never open until midnight.  The music they played sucked.  It was a drag queen hang-out.  I showed up in a pair of ragged jeans and a t-shirt, and I just did not fit in.  The guys down there were always dressed up in the latest fashions.  Like I said, this was the eighties, so I will leave what I mean by that to your imagination.  (If you need help, go to youtube and look for a Flock of Seagulls video.)

Anyway, all this is to say that in a world where I didn't fit in because I was gay, I did not fit into that world either.

So what do I mean by rotten luck in dating?  There was this one guy who told me that he needed to be very discrete about dating.  He was very well-known around town and just could not afford to be outed.

He was an interior designer, and he was so gay that he couldn't be gayer if his name was Gay Gayerson (sorry Will and Grace).  He worked exclusively for a bunch of old ladies who, I guarantee you, knew he was gay.  Granted, he was very good in bed.  That was a bit of a consolation for his self-delusion.  But when he sat me down and began to tell me how aliens had been contacting him for several years, I checked out.  Even a really good lay isn't worth being killed in your sleep.

There was this other guy I met who approached me with this line: "Are you Jewish?"

I guess in a small southern town anyone who isn't blond must look slightly exotic.  I am not blond.  Otherwise, I have no idea why guys asked me that so often back then.  But the truth is that I was asked if I was Jewish maybe ten times in those days.

Well, finally, this one time, I answered: "Yes, I am."

I was horny and sick of the slightly mean-spirited, xenophobic attitude of my fellow southerners (it hasn't improved by-the-way).  We went back to my place and as we got into bed he produced a Bible and began to tell me about how my people had "killed his lord."  I'll tell you what got killed - the mood.  I kicked him out and masturbated.

So, anyway, dating - it's tough and I'm not about to start that again.  Not when I can meet a cool, masculine guy, strip off my shirt and wrestle.  That, my friends, is what it's really all about. 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Version 2.0

Yesterday, I weighed myself and I came in at 150 pounds.  That means that since July 16th I have gained five pounds. 

I've attempted to do this sort of thing in the past, and I always gave up because I felt so bloated that I couldn't stand it.  But this time, things are working out much better. 

Why?  Because my diet is different and I am working out like I never have before in the gym.  Much heavier weights, less reps.

I apologize for the quality of these photos - I took them using Photo Booth on my Mac - but I think they show that I have gained some mass over the last few weeks. 

Okay, enough of that.  What about wrestling?  Well, my trip to Atlanta got killed. I was scheduled to fly down the first week of September.  But work got in the way, again, so that is a no go.  I'm really sort of bummed about that.  There were two guys in particular that I was set to wrestle that I really wanted to wrestle.  One of them I mentioned in this blog a few weeks ago is a pretty experienced wrestler (or so he says).  I was hoping to hit the mats with him at his place, and I was hoping to do well against him.  But another time, I guess.

September looks fairly promising.  My bud who has stood me up over and over is (supposedly) finally coming to town around the 17th and I will be heading to Memphis on the 15th to wrestle a friend from Colorado and another guy with whom I have been corresponding.  He lives in Nashville, and judging from his profile pics - he's a stud.

There will be oil wrestling.

So, what about you guys?  Write me and tell me about your matches and your work outs.  


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Who Knows How Things Will Turn Out?

There’s a guy I know—well, I say I know him—actually we’ve never met.  He has been planning on coming to town to wrestle me for…well, years. 

I mean that.  Literally, years.  Maybe five or six at this point. 

We’ve emailed and talked on the phone, and he has actually been all set to get on the plane to fly down here when…well, every time something intervenes. 

Once it was a storm.  Once it was an earthquake.  Several times it was that his trip was cancelled because of work. 

This has happened maybe ten times.

Last Monday I was all set to finally meet him.  I was going to take off work for a few hours and go to his hotel room.  We were going to go down to the gym and work out together, get all pumped up, come back to his room and flex and intimidate each other.  He wanted to put me in a full nelson.  Hold me up in front of the mirror and watch me struggle to escape.  I was going to stand toe-to-toe with him and lock hands and see if I could force him to submit.

But, like every time before, he emailed at the last minute and said that he wasn’t coming.

I know what you’re thinking.  Why even bother with this guy?  He’s obviously a fake.  Nobody sets up match after match and then drops out. 

But, then, that’s the point.  I don’t think anyone would set up match after match just to back out over and over.  I think he really intends to come down, and I think he would have this time if things had not intervened.

His mother is older.  She lives with him.  She requires constant care.  That’s the problem he’s having, and quite frankly, I’ve been there.  My mom lived with me the last few years of her life and it was hard.  There were times when I wanted to just take off, go wrestle, but I couldn’t.  I had responsibilities. 

So, I understand.  And I’m still ready to wrestle this guy.  He says he’s coming before the end of September and I’m ready.  I hope he does make it, finally.  And I hope it’s as much fun as I want it to be. 

Sometimes, it costs so very little to just give the other guy some slack.  To understand rather than flame out and block.  What have I got to loose, really? 

This might wind up being the best match I’ve ever had. 

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Progress To-Date

So, even though this week was a bit difficult in terms of getting to the gym - work just seems to get in the way sometimes, you know? - I wound up at 149 pounds this morning.  I'm not stopping.  I will continue to eat as much high quality protein as I can stomach and to work out as hard as I possibly can.  I'm looking at 150 in the next week or so. 

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sunday Afternoon

I didn't get to wrestle any this weekend.  That was a disappointment.  Of course, I didn't have any matches set up, so I shouldn't have been too shocked.  But you know, sometimes on a long, hot Sunday afternoon, you just want to find a buddy and strip down and go at it.

But what the hell.  At least there's the Olympics.

So, what Olympic athlete did you find to be the sexiest?  Ryan Lochte?  Michael Phelps?  Well, I settled on a British diver that I thought was so hot I just wanted to immediately fly to London and challenge him to a match.   You think I mean Tom Daley don't you?  And, yeah, he is mighty cute in that way-too-damned-cute way.  But it was his diving partner, Pete Waterfield that really set my juices flowing.

This guy is just exactly what I'm looking for in a wrestling partner.  Smooth, muscular, and athletic.  And, he looks like a nice guy.  Check out these photos:

See what I mean?  I gotta wrestle with this guy.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Weight Lifting

Weight-lifting is one of the most oddly interesting and difficult things a person can do.  The lifting of a piece of metal that weighs a precise amount, over and over, is, if you think about it, sort of OCD-ish.  Couple that with the need to move that weight in an exact manner and it can really get sort of obsessive. 

I've been thinking a lot about weight lifting over the last few weeks, and it strikes me that there is a zen aspect to the activity.  The mental concentration that is required, as well as the physical effort, causes you to sort of fold into yourself.  The outside world sort of flickers and dims, and everything focuses on that one set of muscles that you are trying to work.

There is a thing called "the weight lifter's stare" which is analogous to the runner's high.  It's a feeling of quiet exhilaration, a quickening of the heart rate, a profusion of sweat, a rushing of blood to the muscles.  You find yourself standing and staring, catching your breath, and don't realize when the guy next to you asks: "Are you using those sixties?" 

I  started working out in 1984.  I was working in an office that used to be a YMCA.  The weight room was still intact, and a lot of the guys in the office used it.  I, sheepishly, went down one day and tried it out.  I guess I got hooked.  I've been working out ever since. 

I wouldn't say that my routine has always been as intense as it should be.  And there was a lot of time back in the 80's when I did not understand what I was doing.  I never had any instruction.  I just went in and tried it.  I got hurt a few times.  Pulled a muscle here and a muscle there.  But I've kept at it, and I've found that after almost 29 years of working out that I've come to understand what my body wants and what it can take.

Wrestling figures into this in the respect that I want to be in good enough shape to wrestle.  To have the muscular and cardio endurance to get on the floor or the mats or a bed and wrestle with a guy.  Also, I want to have that "look" - you know - the look that you would expect from a wrestler.  I want to pull off my shirt and have the other guy's eyes widen ever so slightly, and his groin to tighten just a bit. 

Monday, August 6, 2012

On Being Tough

What does it take to be a tough guy? 
In a few weeks I am going to be going to Atlanta.  I’ve set up a couple of matches, and one of them is against a guy who has mats and who has wrestled in college.  He’s actually smaller than me – weighs less and is shorter – but lists himself as being very good at freestyle wrestling.
For some reason I’ve let this match get inside my head.  I haven’t even gotten on a plane, let alone stepped onto the mats, and I’m beaten. 
I think the fact that I did so poorly a few weeks ago has made me sort of gun shy, so I got to thinking: what do you have to do to get mentally tough? 
I think you guys know that I work out.  So, that’s not the issue.  But all the lifting and sweating in the world does not make you a great wrestler – or even a decent wrestler. 
Of course, practice would help.  But I don’t have anyone to practice with and no place to even run through drills on my own.  So, all I’m left with is how to make myself mentally tough.
I need to step out there with an attitude that I can win. 
So, again, I ask, how do you acquire that mind set?
Well, like most Americans, I turned to the internet.  And as luck would have it, I found a document put out by Penn State (okay, not great with the football thing – but they are National Champions at wrestling) and here are the psychological characteristics they say are associated with a mentally tough athlete:
1.       Having an unshakeable belief in your ability to achieve competition goals.
2.       Having an insatiable desire and the internalized motivation to succeed.
3.       Having the ability to bounce back from performance setbacks.
4.       Remaining focused on the task at hand (the match).
5.       Not being adversely affected by the performance of others.
6.       Thriving on the pressure.
I’m not sure that I have an unshakable belief in my ability.  If I wrestled more often and got to actually practice holds and moves, then I might have a little more confidence in that realm.  But, for this match, what I’ve got to do is convince myself that even if he takes me down, again and again, once I get him on the mats, I can work him over and pin him.  Wrestling is as much strategy as strength.  If this guy is really as good as he says, then I may have only my sprawls to protect me from his attacks on my legs.  But, once I get my arms around him, I’m not letting go.
One thing I do have is the desire to succeed.  I feel that I have bent a lot of my life’s energy toward making myself into a wrestler.  Yeah, I’m not a kid anymore.  But I’m not dead either.  I am in shape and I have the cardio.
I think this post addresses number three.  I haven’t bounced back from my most recent setback.  But I’m determined to do it.  The Penn State document stressed the need to think positively – to develop a positive attitude.  You CAN do whatever you put your mind to.  That is what I am working on.  If nothing else, I will be a fun person to wrestle.
Number four is something I’ll address when I’m on the mats.  Number five concerns not only the way we react to how others perform but how others “talk.”  People sometimes say things that can dent your confidence, and that’s where being tough mentally really needs to kick in.  I should mention that I get a lot of positive feedback from guys because of this blog – and I am extremely grateful for that.  I need to keep that in mind and use it to drive me forward.
Number 6 is all about enjoying the wrestling and enjoying the people you’re with.  Yeah, there’s competition (sometimes) but there’s also camaraderie and friendship, and often a great organism to boot!
Okay, so I’m getting mentally tough.  I’m concentrating on the positive and I’m thinking about how I’ll use the skills I have to do as well as I can.  So, if a sawed-off little punk like me can do this, how about you?  Are YOU ready to wrestle? 

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Looking for that Pump

That's me after about three weeks of my new and (hopefully) improved work-out and eating routine.  It has been a hard week of working out, and, as is usual with me, nutrition has been a lot harder to handle than the actual work outs.

My weight fluctuated all week long between 146.5 and 147.5 - I have not made it to 148.  Part of the reason I have not gone up in weight is that (according to my Livestrong app) I am expending more calories than I am taking it.  I need to increase the amount of calories I take in by another 600-1,000.  That's a lot of calories for a 5'7" guy to eat.

I'm going to try my best to increase my caloric intake this coming week and I will continue to cut down on the amount of running I am doing.  I was running five times a week - I've cut that back to two or three.

Several guys have written me an asked me to describe my work outs in a little more detail, so I'll do that.  I guess the best way to do that would be to contrast what I was doing with what I am doing now.

Let's take standing barbell shrugs.

For the last several years I have performed shrugs with a fifty-five pound weight in each arm.  And I have done three sets of ten reps.  That's it.  Boy was I in a rut!

Now, I start with 60 pounds and do 10 reps, up to 65 and do ten reps, up to 70 and do 10 reps, and up to 75 and do 8 reps.

Then I work my way back down with five reps of 70, 65, 60, and 55.

As you can see, that is a great improvement on what I was doing not only in the amount of weight but also in the intensity.  By the time I get back down to those 55's I am really getting worn out.

I do that sort of thing on biceps, on my chest, on shoulder presses, legs and dead lifts, too.  Although not all on the same day.  I generally hit a couple of major muscle groups all on one day - like shoulders and back.  Then I do about eight or nine different exercises on those muscle groups by running the weight rack.

Now, I am sure there are a ton of guys out there who do heavier weights than me, but like I've said.  I'm working on going up.  I need another week and I'll take everything up another five pounds.

As for wrestling, I don't have any matches lined up right now, except a few when I go to Atlanta in September.  I am looking forward to those matches - hopefully I'll be in great shape and ready to roll. 

In the meantime, you guys out there - hit the gym and let's wrestle!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

News From the Front

The mail just keeps coming in. Thanks to everyone who has sent me encouragement.  I really appreciate it.  So, quickly, here's the news of the day:

1.) I will be in Atlanta the first week in September.  Anyone wanna wrestle?

2.) Here's a quick breakdown of what I'm eating:
  • Four egg whites, two pieces dry whole wheat toast, bowl of Healthy Grains cereal
  • Grilled breast of chicken and brown rice with broccoli and corn, bottle of Monster Milk protein drink, cheese stick
  • Half cup of raisins
  • Pasta with low fat sauce or lean steak and salad or chicken breast and spinach
 3.)  Work outs:  Monday - Run/Abs/push-ups before work, then at gym shoulders/back/legs
                           Tuesday: Abs/Push-ups before work, then at gym Chest/arms
                           Wednesday: Run/Abs/Pull ups
                           Thursday:  Abs/Push ups before work, then shoulders/back/legs at gym
                           Friday: Run/Abs/Pull ups before work then chest/arms at gym
                           Weekend - take it easy - wrestle

4.) Personal message to J: thanks for the comment from Rules of Attraction.  That made my day.   

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Yeah, that's me, after about two weeks of my attempt to get bigger.  I see some improvement, but not a whole lot.  But, then again, it's only been about two weeks.

Honestly, I don't find the work outs too tough.  Well, they are tough, but I mean, I don't mind them.  In fact, I really enjoy them.  My gym isn't exactly a hard-core gym.  There aren't any body builders running around.  Mostly it's older guys (older than me) or college kids who are doing a little working out before returning to school.  I'm usually working out next to a sixty or seventy-year-old who is lifting ten pound weights, while I sit there in my torn t-shirt, sweating like crazy and lifting as much as I possibly can. 

I only have an hour at lunch each day to work out, so I have to really hit it hard.  I don't waste much time between sets, and I don't stand around and talk.  I've got a set of routines I use depending on the day and the week.  One day may be shoulders and back, the next chest and arms, the next legs.  I still do a lot of ab work each morning before work - usually around 250-300 crunches - but I've cut back my running to three times a week.

The hardest part of all this is the diet!  My gosh I have a hard time with that.  I'm pretty good at eating right, but because I eat egg whites and dry toast at breakfast, and chicken and brown rice at lunch, I never make the number of calories I need for a given day.  I am taking protein drinks, but I can't take too many of them.  They make me feel like I'm going to explode.  And I don't mean with rage.  My body just can't metabolize huge amounts of protein - at least not the kind I get from those drinks.

Still, I'm sticking with it.  The last two days I've worked out like a maniac and I feel pretty good.  Unfortunately I still weigh either 146 or 147, depending on the day.  I wish I could hit 148, but I just can't seem to do it.