Message from John Carter

This blog is rated R and is not appropriate for people under the age of 18. If you are offended by gay content, please move on and read some other blog.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Looking For My Ideal Man

So, I went to see Pacific Rim.  It was not very good.  In fact, it was sort of terrible.  For some reason, no matter where the robots were in the Pacific Ocean, the water always only came up to their waists.  The monsters were always filmed at night in the rain, so you could rarely get a good view of them, and for some reason they seemed to favor day-glow colors.  And the ending was stolen from Independence Day.

But, putting all that aside, Charlie Hunnam was worth the price of admission.  I’m not sure what it is with me and blonde guys, but I really do like them.  Give me a blonde guy, about five-foot eight and one hundred-and-fifty pounds and I am in heaven.  I’m sure Charlie is much taller than 5’8” and weighs more than one fifty, but in my mind he’s my size and wants to wrestle.

I wrestled today.  I had sort of sworn off wrestling lately but this is a guy who lives here in town and has his own place.  The logistics were too easy to pass up.  Too, he’s about my height and certainly no stronger than me.  So, I like that too. 

He’s not that great looking – body-wise.  He does not work out and he’s hairy in a chaotic sort of way.  But, he’s fun to wrestle with.  In fact, he represents the sort of wrestling I prefer these days.  Wrestling a guy about my size who is comparable in strength to me. 

To be honest, I got into wrestling – real, honest-to-God wrestling—because I wanted to meet someone my size who was fun to wrestle.  After wrestling about sixty different guys in the last five years, I can tell you that I never did find that guy.  I did not find my ideal man.  I met a guy who approximated the size/blonde hair thing – but we just did not hit it off.  

So, instead of finding my ideal, I met…a bunch of normal guys.  Yeah, normal, not always perfectly shaped guys who were, all-in-all, pretty fun to wrestle.  Granted, I have hit a spell of duds lately.  Guys that I just did not enjoy.  But looking back over the last few years of wrestling, on the whole, I’ve had a pretty good time.

One thing I’ve found about my fellow guys is that generally speaking they are quite hairy.  There are a lot of guys who have plenty of chest hair and, yes, even back hair.  I don’t really mind that, although I think I prefer someone who is smooth.  In fact, that is a fact.  I do like smooth guys better.  But, if I had excluded all the hairy guys over the last few years, I would have missed out on some fun wrestling and some really nice guys.

Another thing I’ve found is that there aren’t many guys who are blonde.  Most people are dark-headed – or given my age—gray.  I don’t mind gray.  It can be pretty attractive, actually.  And I don’t really mind dark hair.  I do prefer a guy with a short, athletic cut, but, again, if I’d stuck to that as a prerequisite, I would have missed some great times.  One of my favorite people to wrestle has dreds.  That is about as far from short and blonde as hair can get.  And he’s extremely sexy.

What I have not liked is that recently I have strayed a bit too much into the world of bondage.  The psychologist I told you guys about a while back continues to email me.  His emails are extremely detailed, and quite honestly, hot.  He has even modified his fantasies to include more wrestling.  But, he is also into restraints and even having a woman present.  I’m not willing to do that.  And I have begun to withdraw somewhat from the whole I-wonder-what-it-would-be-like-to-be-bound thing.  I found out and I’ve decided I don’t really like it.

Side note:  Mr. X in Texarkana – this does not apply to you.

So, here I sit on a Monday at the end of July.  I have just returned from wrestling and it was good.  We did not wrestle as much as I wanted, although he was much more aggressive with me than he has been in the past.  I’m about to go to the gym and lift for a while, then I’ll return home and grill chicken breasts for the week’s lunches and make a big pot of brown rice and veggies.

And I will continue to look at pictures of guys like Charlie Hunnam and wonder what it might be like to meet and wrestle with a guy who looks like that.  I might even jack off.  I’ve got the house to myself.  Why not?


Thursday, July 25, 2013

Thanks for Checking On Me

Thank you to all the guys who have taken the time to check on me these last few weeks.  I am sorry I have not posted, but I'm going to be out of the scene for a bit.

It's nothing physical.  The hernia I thought I had turned out to be nothing.  The pic above shows me today--I'm okay.  Still working out.  Still running.

The problem is in my personal life - for one thing, and in the way my wrestling has been playing out lately, for another.

My family has asked me not to do any wrestling for a while.  Or, more specifically, not to travel to wrestle for a while.  I guess I've neglected the homefront quite a bit over the last few years and it's time to settle down and mend some fences.

Also, aside from a wrestling weekend that I had in Memphis a few weeks ago - which was fun - the last several wrestling matches I've had have not been much fun.  I have not enjoyed myself.  This is primarily my fault.  I had been willing to wrestle anyone.  Basically if someone contacted me, I would wrestle them.

That is not a good idea.  I've preached and preached in this blog that we need to use some common sense in choosing our opponents.  I did not do that.  Please, guys.  Don't make the same mistake I have made.  Think hard before you say yes.  Look at the pics you are sent.  Think about the size difference.  Really think about whether you will be compatible sexually and physically with the guy.  When you are a smaller guy like me, maybe you should think twice about wrestling someone twice your size. 

Also, I've been getting a lot of invitations from guys who are into some pretty extreme forms of bondage.  At first, I was curious.  I am not now.  Had enough, thanks.  I think I will stick to wrestling for the most part.

I will get back to writing on Middleboro, but it will probably be another week before I get an episode on the blog.  Please don't give up on me.

Monday, July 1, 2013

A Battle Against All Odds

I love this picture.

The guy on the left is David Taylor, a one-time NCAA Wrestling Champ from Penn State.  On the right is Kyle Dake, David's best friend and greatest rival.  Kyle has wrestled David five times.  And, Kyle has beaten David five times.  In the picture above, David struggles ineffectually against Kyle at the World Team Trials, about a week ago in Stillwater, Oklahoma.

I like this picture because of what it represents about wrestling.  Notice how David's head is tucked into Kyle's chest.  He has Kyle's arm and is working to force Kyle backward.  But Kyle stands there, immobile and unmoving, as David struggles to force him back.  Kyle looks on, a look of almost casual concern on his face.  He seems to be holding David in place, stopping his forward motion with hardly any effort.  There is almost a look of concern on his face, a muted sympathy for his friend who obviously does not have the strength to push Kyle back.  And, indeed, the match would end in yet another defeat for David Taylor.

To me, this demonstrates the struggle, and the intimacy, of wrestling.  The quiet movement of strength and muscle and determination.  The sweat and the desire, and the failure of that desire.

David Taylor is one of the most talented wrestlers in the nation.  He can beat anyone - literally - except Kyle Dake (and Olympic Gold Medalist, Jordon Burroughs).

He is a hero to many people in the wrestling community.  But, when he wrestles Dake he always fails, and is humiliated, yet again, in front of his fans and admirers.

Maybe someday he will triumph over Dake, but until that day, he will continue to fall.

I haven't written much lately.  I've had a lot going on in my work and home life.  I guess I've been pretty distracted.

I have done some wrestling, but it's been either unpleasant or sort of inconsequential.

About a week ago, a guy who has been writing to me for several months came to town.  I guess I should not have agreed to wrestle him.  I never really found him particularly attractive.  I just sort of agreed because he wanted to wrestle me and he was willing to drive a long way to meet me.  I guess I was flattered.

But I should have given it a little more thought.

I took off from work and went over to the hotel where he was staying.  I was wondering what he'd look like.  He'd sent me pictures, but none of them had been really clear.  So, when he opened the door, I thought...well, he's okay.

I walked into the room and he just stared at me.  A sort of odd, fixed stare.  Then he hugged me.  I thought: okay.  I can hug.  Then he started kissing me.  I thought: okay, I guess I can kiss.

It really didn't stop.  Worse, I just sort of stupidly went along with it.  I want to wrestle but for some reason (what really bugs me about this whole thing, I guess), I just went along with it.

We wound up sort of having sex.  He worked on me.  He, however, never got a hard-on.  At one point, we sort of wrestled a bit, but then he just lay on top of me, kissing me and...well...looking at me.

That was what began to get to me.  As we lay there, it began to dawn on me (I am a little slow) that he just wanted to be on me.  Just wanted to kiss me and touch me.

I got up and left.

I blame myself.  I should have told him that I wanted to wrestle but for some unfathomable reason I just let him lead me through it.  I should not have done that.  It was unfair to him, as much as it was unpleasant for me.  I should have forced him to wrestle me.  But I didn't.  And I'm not sure why.

Then, last weekend, I flew to Boston for work.  While there, I met up with a guy whom I've wanted to meet for a long time.  He's really hot.  He has a lean, muscled body.  He's about my size.  I think he's handsome.

While I was in transit to Boston, he texted me and told me that he wanted me to be open-minded and ready to try anything.  I told him I would.

But, when I arrive, we sat and talked for quite a while.  I began to get the feeling that he didn't really want me there.  When we finally got out his mats, I changed into some briefs.  I walked into the room and he was still dressed.  He said: "You're ready to wrestle."  And it was said in such a way that I knew he meant: "I guess we have to wrestle."

We did.  It was okay.  I think he was in some physical discomfort, and I think that may have been a lot of it.  He's had some physical problems.

But then we went to his bedroom where he set up several videos to play and set up some restrains on the bed.  This took quite  while and it sort of dampened the mood.  But then we got back to it.

I really think he did not want me there.  I wish he'd told me that, but I guess he felt obligated since I'd come so far.  And I was spending the night with him - although in  separate beds.

So, wrestling has not been great lately.  I am scheduled to go to Memphis and wrestle a friend in about two weeks, but I've developed a slight medical problem that might cause me to have to put that off.  No, it's not a sexually transmitted disease.  It's a hernia.  I'm not in pain or anything but I'm going to the doc to see what, if anything, will need to be done.

So, there.  My exciting life.  It gets better, right?